Skip to main content

Thanksgiving, 2012

By
DAE notice today FB's Status asks "What are you thankful for"?
So I'll tell you;
Breathing being an automatic, natural reflex and me not having any breathing problems.
When I die, it's on my terms, in my time. One thing I KNOW is that I don't want to suffer breathing trouble before I die. I've seen it, it's horrible. That would also include drowning, I call that a breathing problem.
I have such a "thing" about this breathing stuff it's pretty much why I don't smoke (anything) but for once in a blue moon. How much kicking of myself would be done if I fucked up my lungs MYSELF and couldn't breathe properly for the rest of my days. And I HATE coughing, and not just because I have a dribbly bladder. It's noisy and annoying as fuck, smokers cough being the worst. I have no sympathy for someone who does that to themselves of their own free choice. Go cough your lungs up in a bank vault so I don't have to hear you, especially when I'm sleeping! I lov
e my Grandma, but my HELL how many sleepless nights I wanted to just go bed down out in the car.
So there's that.
Of course I'm Thankful for my Family and that my Station In Life isn't a worse one; I am always mindful it could always be worse...that doesn't mean I have to embrace what it is now, though and "be thankful for what I DO have". No. I accept it for what it is. I'm not going to dress it up and throw confetti about. It's a shit deal. Period.
Thank evolution I have the sense to be able to check out of this Shit-Hole Hotel when *I* want to and am no longer guilt tripped into thinking some imaginary abusive boss in the clouds is going to punish me for daring to take the wheel of my OWN life and know when enough is enough.
There's only so much the human mind and "spirit" (not ion a religious sense) can take. The greenest, most flexible branch will eventually harden and break. And if I want to trim myself off from the tree to allow it to continue to grow without wasting resources to sustain my misdirected existence, that's my choice and duty alone.
I have a lot on my mind today, apparently.
I won't lie. Today sucks. I don't have anything to look forward to (which is the norm more than not) and won't be enjoying my day. It's just another block of time I have to get through until I can go back to sleep, wake up and wait to go back to sleep over and over and over again. That is what my life consists of.

But YOU...you have a fabulous Thanksgiving. It does give me a small amount of pleasure to know others are enjoying themselves.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Mess Of Writing

By
So, some of you know I pretend to be a writer. I was a prolific and mildly talented writer in my past. I dreamed novel sized stories, but could never get past the short ones, there were a couple I wrote out to 150 pages with the outline and general story written out, but they died there. It took me years to both realize and then accept, that I was no good at anything but some hybrid of prose and poetry that is heavily non conforming to the accepted rules of writing, grammar and english. My problem is rooted somewhere in one or more of my mental illnesses, I just can't absorb nor comprehend (translate to an understandable example) accepted structure and rules for any type of writing.  The words go down on the paper the way they come into my head. They don't want to be amended, they come into my head the way my mind perceives them to be correct and meaningful to what I am trying to express, which in my skewed brain, is the correct form, again, to ME, but maybe not to anyone else....
Post a Comment
Read more

Just Think Blogsitive

By
For whatever reason, Facebook altering the "mood" of the Feed or just people picking up on the same theme of a few reposted sayings; I've been seeing so much over the last few weeks about thinking/being positive and being happy is a choice. Believe me you, I tried. I tried so hard for so long. It was like mining, every day I would go to work with my pick and with everything I had, go at that dark, stifling underground of resistant rock with my polished, shining pick, flashing brilliantly in the dust filled muted ray of light struggling down, striking in a dazzling tiny shower of sparks, tiny stars lighting the edge of the black hole lurking beside me, that feeling of what could be hidden just below the surface, something amazing just waiting for the proper angle of my next strike...that never comes. Oh, I get the thin, reedy vein of something momentarily in the right light flashing and promising...it may be a lesser find. It will momentarily fund the repair of my pick or...
Post a Comment
Read more

Seriously?

By
Originally Written by the13thcynic October 6, 2009 at 5:13 PM I cannot be serious. Seriously. I can’t. I keep trying and it never works, I just can’t BE serious. I can fully appreciate serious and situations that are… I can understand it, hold it, feel it, express it in other ways, I just cannot *be…have* nor verbally reply seriously unless I really fight to accomplish such. Felt the need to see it in words. Carry on then. I am not stupid. I am not shallow. I’m not unfeeling nor simple, clueless, ridiculous, uneducated, uncultured or ignorant. I’m just me. Which is a bit more than a bit much to take for some.
Post a Comment
Read more