Lulu Lunacy

In our family, we each had different spider encounter roles. My dad was the designated never-sees-them-and-always-has-hands-in-crevices-in-shed-constantly-getting-bit-by-them-and-almost-dying person. My mom was the Save The Spiders, Save The World hippie spider activist who named them, spoke to them, protected them and took them outside safely on pieces of paper while narrating their journey, person. My younger brother was the blood curdling screaming, flailing, throwing objects, blind with terror, using any chemical he could get his hands on to destroy them person. I was the Spider Killer Ninja Death Dealer In Chief. I killed silently while mom's back was turned and left the room before she new it. I waited three days to execute "Harry" (she named them all Harry) that had spun a web and taken up residence in our groovy assed 70's amber glass & brass floor lamp. She thought he'd just moved away. I killed him so deftly I left the web entirely intact and unmoles...

Went to group therapy. Ended up crying about a personal situation. pulled it together to go shop for some foodies. Cried again when I got home.  Remembered the guy in group who told me to tell myself I was a good person as he slid the box of tissues over to me...decided for the rest of the day I'll tell myself I am a good person and remember some good things I've done and that I'm not a monster.  I was and am hurt. My original situation that caused the rift is over and I did what I could with what I had. I followed my mom's wishes to a T. I haven't done anything wrong but convey how I perceived a situation. Maybe I was wrong to be upset about how others chose to acknowledge...and not acknowledge, my mother's passing. I Was in the early days of grief and angrily pushed people away. In all honesty I had been in grief since mom got her diagnosis as it was terminal and could have been 2 weeks or 2 years and I was determined to do exactly what my father asked me to d...