Earlier tonight I was merrily Facebooking away, my TV next to me chattering about the latest news of kidnappings, idiot celebrities and oil spill tragedies. The A/C humming behind me cooling the hot apartment off and the refrigerator keeping my beer nice & cold for me.
Then *POOF*
The power went off.
Wait. The POWER WENT OFF!! PANIC!
My precious interwebs! I was in the middle of posting a reply to a comment! Ahhh! I'm
The power went off.
Wait. The POWER WENT OFF!! PANIC!
My precious interwebs! I was in the middle of posting a reply to a comment! Ahhh! I'm
gonna get hot! What am I going to do?
I actually did panic for a minute.
Fine. Powers out.
I crawled under the desk & shut the power off for the computer & printer. Turned the A/C power off. Opened windows. Walked outside onto the balcony. A few other neighbors in my apartment complex were also popping out of their porch doors to see if they could get any answers. We were like Clown fish. We came out. Went back in. Came out again...went back in. Then came out.
I did some dishes then sat on the porch with a bowl of hot, soapy water and cleaned off Cajun's froggy wind chime I'd been meaning to clean for weeks now. I actually sat & untangled it without getting pissed and smashing it.
I worried for a second that it was hot and soon I'd have to sit in a tub of cold water B4 I died...but it was 8:30 and starting to get dark and cool down.
So I decided to take Toby for a walk. Perfect time, cooling off, dusk was falling, and now, with the power out, it was somehow quieter. But as we walked our route I noticed a different sound, very light and pleasant.
People talking.
Neighbors gathering outside and having a light chat. Even my own normally very anti-social, small complex had a few small groups of neighbors who wad ventured out and were discussing whatnot with people they'd probably not ever said more than 'excuse me' to.
The stores were all dark, the gas stations dark & empty, the intersection of Gentile & Fairfield had the reds flashing but traffic was sparse and everyone seemed so lazy, just meandering, taking their time, being polite and waving each other through.
I'd never seen so many parents outside with their small children on bikes and battery run cars and just outside with them period, and actually interacting with them, not just observing or checking on them.
This no power thing wasn't so bad. I was thinking to myself, 'I hope I'm not the only one who notices this'; how different it is all of a sudden, how we were in our safe shells locked away and apart from the rest of the world, consumed with our routine and slaved to our microwave, TV, computer. Then within minutes, we had shifted into a different state of being as humans. Did anyone else even notice it? I did.
I could go so many places with this conversation, but I won't. Not now.
I think maybe the atmosphere was a combination of the time it happened, dusk as it was cooling off and everyone was winding down for the night.
But it makes me think we can pull our shit together when we need to.
If something bigger and worse happened.
And also, mostly, notice how much of a slave to our 'things' and 'stuff' we've become. Hiding away indoors with a monitor to simulate human contact and experiencing Nature and the World.
Taking the time to walk and listen to nothing.
Except maybe a few friendly voices and the smell of the roses on the breeze, and those trees behind Smith's that get that fragrance, but I haven't a clue what kind of tree they are...either way, it smelled delightful. I love walking through there when they're blooming and fragrant. The usual annoying, loud dogs weren't even barking and I love the smell of farm anyway, so the cows never bother me. I could actually hear the doves and that unique fluttering/throaty sound they and their wings made when they flew in front of Toby & me.
When we were almost home, just like they went off, the lights came back on again. All across the street, the strip malls signs just noiselessly blinked on. Then the gas stations. Then the traffic lights re-set.
We came back upstairs and I stood on the balcony for a few minutes enjoying the darkening dusk. A mom walked past on the lawn underneath, following slowly behind her little pig-tailed, sundressed daughter riding a mini jeep, they walked all the way to the end of the buildings then back, the little Jeep whining rolling over the lawn, the mom strolling along fully attentive to her child.
I'd never seen her before. Outside at least. And she'd probably never seen me before either.
I wish the power had stayed off just 20 minutes more.
Our Children and the people who want to take them from us...
September 6, 2010 at 11:02pm
It takes a village...to WATCH and PROTECT our children. More importantly, watch the people around them. So sad you just don't know who to trust anymore to be the watcher or the watchee. People guard their purses, pocketbooks, handbags and wallets more closely than their children. They lock up and alarm their homes and cars and park vehicles under lights and take up 2 spots to keep them safe from burglars and dents while letting their children walk alone to friends houses where they don't know the family members, friends, other neighbors who are there. They call police when someone is outside their home peeping but not when the 'nice man from church' has their children over all the time ALONE in his home and little Jimmy comes home and says he was shown a naked lady or had his picture taken in his bathing suit. I think humans are the only mammal that is so careless with their offspring. I'd venture not many species of animals either, although I do know it happens (Cuckoos).
It takes a village...to WATCH and PROTECT our children. More importantly, watch the people around them. So sad you just don't know who to trust anymore to be the watcher or the watchee. People guard their purses, pocketbooks, handbags and wallets more closely than their children. They lock up and alarm their homes and cars and park vehicles under lights and take up 2 spots to keep them safe from burglars and dents while letting their children walk alone to friends houses where they don't know the family members, friends, other neighbors who are there. They call police when someone is outside their home peeping but not when the 'nice man from church' has their children over all the time ALONE in his home and little Jimmy comes home and says he was shown a naked lady or had his picture taken in his bathing suit. I think humans are the only mammal that is so careless with their offspring. I'd venture not many species of animals either, although I do know it happens (Cuckoos).
Think about it.
Just think about how a mother elephant or bear or owl (personal experience) is with her babies and the time and attention she invests.
Do you know you can get sealants applied to your children's teeth to help block out cavities? Now think about those new rims you just bought for your car.
This makes me feel very incomplete and sad. I feel unfinished.
I have only the barest slivers of information to piece together what very little I do 'know' about who I may be and where I may come from ancestrally.
Several Christmases ago, I actually asked to have one of those ancestral DNA tests done. I never got it but I still think it would be an interesting addition to me being *ME*.
I have tried over the years to do what I was capable of to find somebody. Anybody.
I don't work with limited funds, I worked with no funds.
A few years ago I decided to give up.
As far as I know, they aren't even looking for me. I've been the child of an Air Force family and in the same place for 37 years, not to mention the information I have openly put out on the internet in case someone WAS looking for me.
I actually don't care about any living 'relatives' anymore. I just want to know where I come from. How I got here and what interesting little stories are in my ancestral history. I want to feel like I did belong to and come from SOMETHING. Not just plucked out of a ditch where I was formed from gutter foam or something.
Then I continued thinking about being unfinished.
So many, many things about me are unfinished.
So many, many things about me will stay unfinished.
Nothing has turned out the way I imagined or would have hoped.
From the small and insignificant, like my tattoos, I have a couple I would like fixed, and a few I would like added so I feel I'm 'complete' as odd as that sounds. I have one daughters name on me and not the other. that leaves me feeling horribly unfinished.
All the way up to big things like who would ever want to be mentally ill their entire life and know that it's slowly shifting and even worsening? Where did that come from, genetically? That would be nice to know.
I have no idea if I should be cautious of cancer or heart problems at a certain age. That would also be nice to know.
I have lived incompletely, I have been loved incompletely.
I just exist. Exist and will remain unfinished.
It's the only consistent thing I have, how unfinished my life is always has be and will be.
*Bipolar Disorder (Mixed State and Rapid Cycler)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
*Depersonalization Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
*Schizoaffective Disorder (this and the below 'Schizotypy' are under discussion as to which of the two it actually is)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
*Schizotypy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy
*Borderline Personality Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
*Social Anxiety Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder
*Generalized anxiety disorder
*Panic disorder
*Agoraphobia
Just think about how a mother elephant or bear or owl (personal experience) is with her babies and the time and attention she invests.
Do you know you can get sealants applied to your children's teeth to help block out cavities? Now think about those new rims you just bought for your car.
UNFINISHED...
August 27, 2010 at 8:24pm
I never watched it before because I thought it was pointless to indulge 'celebrities' a luxury and peace of mind I'll never have. But for some reason I decided to watch 'Who Do You Think You Are?' on NBC. People (celebrities, sports stars, public figures, etc) go on a well plotted journey back through their ancestry discovering their roots. It's utterly fascinating.
I never watched it before because I thought it was pointless to indulge 'celebrities' a luxury and peace of mind I'll never have. But for some reason I decided to watch 'Who Do You Think You Are?' on NBC. People (celebrities, sports stars, public figures, etc) go on a well plotted journey back through their ancestry discovering their roots. It's utterly fascinating.
And for me, utterly heartbreaking.
I was given up for adoption at birth, taken into the custody of the State of Kansas (fostered) and adopted by my parents at 6 months of age. I do have a copy of my 'original' birth certificate, and Kansas is an 'open record' state, now, note this; in as far as the information was given correctly/truthfully. I've been told my BM (Birth Mother) was a single, un-wed mother (the story of how I was conceived is a bit torrid) 19 when I was born and living at the Crittenton home for unwed mothers. The research I've done claims places like these routinely changed things such as BM's first and/or last names and dates. The name listed for my BM is so common it's almost laughable. The only other info is the State she was born in. No 'Father's' name or detailed information at all besides that.
Anywho, without drifting off too much, you get the idea.
Most very likely I will never come in contact with anyone else on this planet I am biologically related to.I was given up for adoption at birth, taken into the custody of the State of Kansas (fostered) and adopted by my parents at 6 months of age. I do have a copy of my 'original' birth certificate, and Kansas is an 'open record' state, now, note this; in as far as the information was given correctly/truthfully. I've been told my BM (Birth Mother) was a single, un-wed mother (the story of how I was conceived is a bit torrid) 19 when I was born and living at the Crittenton home for unwed mothers. The research I've done claims places like these routinely changed things such as BM's first and/or last names and dates. The name listed for my BM is so common it's almost laughable. The only other info is the State she was born in. No 'Father's' name or detailed information at all besides that.
Anywho, without drifting off too much, you get the idea.
This makes me feel very incomplete and sad. I feel unfinished.
I have only the barest slivers of information to piece together what very little I do 'know' about who I may be and where I may come from ancestrally.
Several Christmases ago, I actually asked to have one of those ancestral DNA tests done. I never got it but I still think it would be an interesting addition to me being *ME*.
I have tried over the years to do what I was capable of to find somebody. Anybody.
I don't work with limited funds, I worked with no funds.
A few years ago I decided to give up.
As far as I know, they aren't even looking for me. I've been the child of an Air Force family and in the same place for 37 years, not to mention the information I have openly put out on the internet in case someone WAS looking for me.
I actually don't care about any living 'relatives' anymore. I just want to know where I come from. How I got here and what interesting little stories are in my ancestral history. I want to feel like I did belong to and come from SOMETHING. Not just plucked out of a ditch where I was formed from gutter foam or something.
Then I continued thinking about being unfinished.
So many, many things about me are unfinished.
So many, many things about me will stay unfinished.
Nothing has turned out the way I imagined or would have hoped.
From the small and insignificant, like my tattoos, I have a couple I would like fixed, and a few I would like added so I feel I'm 'complete' as odd as that sounds. I have one daughters name on me and not the other. that leaves me feeling horribly unfinished.
All the way up to big things like who would ever want to be mentally ill their entire life and know that it's slowly shifting and even worsening? Where did that come from, genetically? That would be nice to know.
I have no idea if I should be cautious of cancer or heart problems at a certain age. That would also be nice to know.
I have lived incompletely, I have been loved incompletely.
I just exist. Exist and will remain unfinished.
It's the only consistent thing I have, how unfinished my life is always has be and will be.
The Laurie List; Don't worry, it isn't contagious.
August 25, 2010 at 2:22am
In no particular order;
In no particular order;
*Bipolar Disorder (Mixed State and Rapid Cycler)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
*Depersonalization Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
*Schizoaffective Disorder (this and the below 'Schizotypy' are under discussion as to which of the two it actually is)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
*Schizotypy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypy
*Borderline Personality Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
*Social Anxiety Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety_disorder
*Generalized anxiety disorder
*Panic disorder
*Agoraphobia
FB Spice
August 17, 2010 at 2:50am
Look at your comment, now back to mine, now back at yours. Sadly it isn't mine, but if you stopped trolling and started posting legitimate comments it could look like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You're scrolling through comments, writing the comment your comment could look like. What did you post? Back at mine, it's a reply saying something you want to hear. Look again, the reply is now diamonds. Anything is possible when you think before you post.
Look at your comment, now back to mine, now back at yours. Sadly it isn't mine, but if you stopped trolling and started posting legitimate comments it could look like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You're scrolling through comments, writing the comment your comment could look like. What did you post? Back at mine, it's a reply saying something you want to hear. Look again, the reply is now diamonds. Anything is possible when you think before you post.
I AM I (My declaration of ME)
April 6, 2010 at 1:53am
I have no memory of giving my consent to be placed upon this Earth.
I have no memory of giving my consent to be placed upon this Earth.
Believe what you want. And so will I.
I belong to no Man, I belong to no Gods, I alone own my body, my mind, my soul, my energy, my heart, my thoughts. Where I go, what I do, is my decision alone. I’ve had enough of others telling me certain things are NOT my choice alone. I do not accept that, and no longer wish to hear their opinions of what selfishness certain actions are when NO ONE owns my life but ME! I don’t want anyone’s opinion of what I choose to do with my own destiny or even what I think about inside my own mind and heart.
I need no lectures nor opinions nor condemnations. Choke on your words, I have no need of them.
I am no one's property.
I am I.
In all its Complexity, and all its Simplicity.
I belong to no Man, I belong to no Gods, I alone own my body, my mind, my soul, my energy, my heart, my thoughts. Where I go, what I do, is my decision alone. I’ve had enough of others telling me certain things are NOT my choice alone. I do not accept that, and no longer wish to hear their opinions of what selfishness certain actions are when NO ONE owns my life but ME! I don’t want anyone’s opinion of what I choose to do with my own destiny or even what I think about inside my own mind and heart.
I need no lectures nor opinions nor condemnations. Choke on your words, I have no need of them.
I am no one's property.
I am I.
In all its Complexity, and all its Simplicity.
Wisdom
October 5, 2010 at 1:36am
I had a rude awakening today about a few things to do with our interaction with each other on Facebook.
I had a rude awakening today about a few things to do with our interaction with each other on Facebook.
I will try to keep this short.
If you dislike someone, fine. Keep it on you own FB profile and Wall. Don't randomly follow someone around from friend to friend slipping in mean, veiled comments on a completely unrelated and neutral post. In fact, why not just 'BLOCK' and not have to see anything from that person and thus worry about them at all? Why keep feeding it and dragging it around like some long dead, moth eaten cat.
Your relationships with others are none of my business, but I have added each and every one of my friends because I wanted them there. It is sad to me to see division among them and people hurting each other with words and not just enjoying their individual FB experience and allowing others to do the same. Live and Let Live.
I have a block list 23 people strong. It works wonderfully.
I am just as unhappy with those who've prodded life into the discord. Shame. Instigating even in it's subtle form ist still instigating. If we need our drama and conflict from FB, we need to maybe start a Koi pond and think a little deeper about who we are and our place in this world.
FB is where I come to thoroughly enjoy my friends and interact with them. The offline world is reeking of shittyness and Ithink of FB as my escape.
FB should be where anyone can come and be themselves and share what they want and not feel hesitant or distrusting about being on.
We should be allowed to express our beliefs and opinions on our own Walls without being jumped on and ripped on. If you have a counter-opinion to mine, take it to your own Wall, but do not lecture or preach to me or condescend to me on my own damned Wall and posts!
That's just bloody rude!
Delete me if you must, that's what the button is for.
Send me a private message if you can't contain yourself. That's fine too.
I respect your opinion just as much as my own; but I didn't take debate in High School and I don't want to start now. This is Facebook, not Roundtable Weekly. If I wanted to argue an issue, I'd go to the CNN boards of find a group for it on FB.
I'm TELLING you what *I* think and what *I* want to say. NOT asking you to play Devil's advocate or engage me in a scathing arguement.
And don't add me just to have someone to talk dirty to in private messages and IM. I'm so over that. If that's what you want, there are plenty more woman on FB and everywhere else on the internet willing to oblige.
Just because a female adds a male doesn't mean she's hot for you. It means maybe she found you interesting.
Respect me and I'll respect you.
Since when isn't there already enough hate and bullshit in the world?
If you dislike someone, fine. Keep it on you own FB profile and Wall. Don't randomly follow someone around from friend to friend slipping in mean, veiled comments on a completely unrelated and neutral post. In fact, why not just 'BLOCK' and not have to see anything from that person and thus worry about them at all? Why keep feeding it and dragging it around like some long dead, moth eaten cat.
Your relationships with others are none of my business, but I have added each and every one of my friends because I wanted them there. It is sad to me to see division among them and people hurting each other with words and not just enjoying their individual FB experience and allowing others to do the same. Live and Let Live.
I have a block list 23 people strong. It works wonderfully.
I am just as unhappy with those who've prodded life into the discord. Shame. Instigating even in it's subtle form ist still instigating. If we need our drama and conflict from FB, we need to maybe start a Koi pond and think a little deeper about who we are and our place in this world.
FB is where I come to thoroughly enjoy my friends and interact with them. The offline world is reeking of shittyness and Ithink of FB as my escape.
FB should be where anyone can come and be themselves and share what they want and not feel hesitant or distrusting about being on.
We should be allowed to express our beliefs and opinions on our own Walls without being jumped on and ripped on. If you have a counter-opinion to mine, take it to your own Wall, but do not lecture or preach to me or condescend to me on my own damned Wall and posts!
That's just bloody rude!
Delete me if you must, that's what the button is for.
Send me a private message if you can't contain yourself. That's fine too.
I respect your opinion just as much as my own; but I didn't take debate in High School and I don't want to start now. This is Facebook, not Roundtable Weekly. If I wanted to argue an issue, I'd go to the CNN boards of find a group for it on FB.
I'm TELLING you what *I* think and what *I* want to say. NOT asking you to play Devil's advocate or engage me in a scathing arguement.
And don't add me just to have someone to talk dirty to in private messages and IM. I'm so over that. If that's what you want, there are plenty more woman on FB and everywhere else on the internet willing to oblige.
Just because a female adds a male doesn't mean she's hot for you. It means maybe she found you interesting.
Respect me and I'll respect you.
Since when isn't there already enough hate and bullshit in the world?
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