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Thought...

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I asked myself recently if it had been my dad and not mom that lived on after May 2007, and he then came down with something as disastrous as mom's brain tumor, necessitating that I be put in a position to be the logical choice to move out here.
I thought on this, but it was brief. There isn't much to weigh. Despite everything. The fear, the pain, the shame, the destruction...
I would have done it anyway. 
It would be a huge adjustment, for both of us. I can only imagine the awkwardness, silences, tiptoeing, recalled trauma, constant triggers, horrible memories. 
But in a way, I want that experience. What would he have said, done? How would that have even played out? Would it even have come up? Or would it end exactly how it did in May 2007, with not a word spoken, not a gesture, not a hint something was written down somewhere, ...nothing written down and stashed away somewhere. No apology, not even an acknowledgment. 

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