"I do so desire the warmth of oblivion, the familiar comfort of darkness and the embrace of the grave..." ~LRM
So, some of you know I pretend to be a writer. I was a prolific and mildly talented writer in my past. I dreamed novel sized stories, but could never get past the short ones, there were a couple I wrote out to 150 pages with the outline and general story written out, but they died there. It took me years to both realize and then accept, that I was no good at anything but some hybrid of prose and poetry that is heavily non conforming to the accepted rules of writing, grammar and english. My problem is rooted somewhere in one or more of my mental illnesses, I just can't absorb nor comprehend (translate to an understandable example) accepted structure and rules for any type of writing. The words go down on the paper the way they come into my head. They don't want to be amended, they come into my head the way my mind perceives them to be correct and meaningful to what I am trying to express, which in my skewed brain, is the correct form, again, to ME, but maybe not to anyone else....
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I do get it hun living with a chronic mental illness as I've got OCD and suffer from anxiety and depression but not as severe as you do....I must admit it has gotten better since the ex pissed off as stress makes my OCD worse....I just hate to think that you're suffering the way you are Laurie....Has the therapist recommended exercise or any herbal/natural/alternative therapies ? What about yoga or meditation ? I've heard a lot of good things from it and actually I wanna start a class but maybe next year when 4 kids are at school and baby(3yrs) 4 days in daycare....There's never enough days for anything I tell ya !! I do realise these things cost money which is another problem but there might be some community women's health centre which might organise classes for a much reduced price......I really believe in the benefits of exercise Laurie even if it's just walking every day with Toby :) I really feel for you and wish I could help you in some way hun....Mental illness is still a taboo in our society and people don't understand unless they see something physically wrong with you....My ex never did get me and my OCD and just called me lazy , stupid or crazy :(((
I know I've asked you this before but why aren't you working ? You can ask me the same thing and I'll tell you cause of the kids and no one to look after them....But when the baby is 6 and goes to kindy, the govt will force me to either work at least 12 hrs per week or study , so I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...To be honest, I dont mind going back to work to get outta the house and be around grown-ups again :) But it'll have to be school hours....
I know unemployment is really high cause of the GFC in the US but is there another reason ? I might come across as naive thinking getting a job will solve all your problems but at least some more money will be coming in and you can be more independent....Anyway ,I just wanted to understand a few things about your situation that's all hun....How are the girls/grandkids going ?? I always forget to ask you what's happening with Sonya's hubby ? Is he still around, as I haven't noticed you mention him for a long time....
That's it for now sweetheart , you know I'm always here for you if you ever wanna chat or anything...Hugs and smooches ♥♥