The Little Things

Originally Written by the13thcynic

December 17, 2009 at 2:50 AM

There’s just so much I’ve been wanting to put down for myself in my blog, but I haven’t been able to actually start hitting the keys here in my safe little WP box. Obviously until now.

I had an excellent piece of advice earlier from a whip-smart lady I like to call a friend; I was worrying out loud (typing rather) that my topic would be misinterpreted as fishing for sympathy and pity partying, but she said, ‘If you can’t whine in your own blog, where can you?’

So here I am.

I changed the title of the blog for a reason. I do consider myself White Trash, and through years of trial and error and being slapped back into My Place, I have finally accepted my lot in life. My fate, the hand I was dealt, my role, my station in life.

People can drone on about how you make your own success in life and change your own luck, etc, but not if you’re MEANT to be WHO you are AND WHERE you are in life?

Therapeutic venting/blogging and journaling, not because I hope to be some big famous blogger read and adored by thousands, but because all of us wants to leave something of themselves behind to be immortal. What better than a blog in the midst of millions of blogs floating around in the vast forever of the internet? Even after the ‘internet’ as we know it…it will still exist in some form.

So on we go.

These first ones will be very cluttered and all-over-the-place until I get caught up, and not in any kind of order whatsoever.

*I* have an actual, proper party-ish get-together to go to. Not quite like what Auntie Mame had nor in the beginning of The Exorcist (although parties like that are still my dream to attend one day) but a Day-After-Chrtistmas party with a group of FB friends who I did go to school with but who were all in a different group/click than me and even in a different ‘class’ (I don’t mean as in math & Spanish). My family was what is considered lower middle class. My Dad was Air Force, then Civil Service and Mom didn’t go to work until we were in double digit ages and worked at a greenhouse then ZCMI. I could have never been able to go to a prom unless I found a dress to borrow, so it’s probably a good thing I was never asked. Then again, in HS I was the girl every one wanted to screw. Girls hated me because their BF’s wanted to get in my pants and because of the shit going on at home, I just wanted to be with any guy who would have me.

Weird random point; when I was 19 I was out partying (White Trash partying) with a few friends and we ran into some guys, I happened to like one…long story short, I overheard him tell my friend something that had I think, affected me more than I even understand at this point; she had said ‘She likes you’ and his response was ‘There are two types of girls, girls you have for girlfriends and girls you fuck. She’s the kind you just fuck.’

So back to the party date. I decided to go solo, one because I am, and 2 because if I dug up a ‘date’ to take then I’d feel like I had to pay attention to them and I want to just enjoy everyone else’s company and not be hindered with any kind of a time schedule, whether I feel like leaving early, late or in between. Also, I’m not sure how well I’m going to be able to put myself together. I’ve started dying my hair a dark red (long story, I turned it an awful gray/purple/platinum color) and it fades out SO quickly that I’m SURE I’ll have to re-do it B4 the night or my ends (like 3-4 inches) will be a nasty grayed out reddish color! So here goes my Xmas $ my Mom sends (which I told her to keep in double digits only because I just borrowed $1200 less than 2 months ago to pay off a loan from LAST Christmas! (one of those evil, high interest loans) ) Mom is on a fixed income since Dad died, and her Mother turned 100 in November and of course, lives in England, who knows when she’ll have to fly back.

So here’s what I’ll be splurging on with my Holiday monies, lol; Hair dye. Laundry quarters (I have NO clean clothes, I take a bath with my ‘underthings’ and wash them out, rotating colors, of course, while I’m rinsing off. I had an ex-husband who had a liking for Women’s clothing so my ‘nice’ clothes that I had are gone and I haven’t been able to afford to replace them. I bought my first pair of jeans in YEARS (and I’m talking over 10) a few weeks ago at Layne Bryant on clearance. They fit perfect…2 weeks later I wore them to dinner at a friends (same home the next, larger party will be at) and they were starting to cut into my fat tummy. Believe it or not, I have gained. Which sucks rotten bananas, but I’ve gone from 150 to 220 in about 2 years. Honestly, I don’t eat that much, but I do like my beer and Coke! I know, empty calories…

I get distracted easy…Oh yeah, Christmas monies…I have a list in front of me actually. Laundry $, hair dye, TP, Paper towels, snow boots (Hoping to find some cool Moon Boots, my other pair from Wal-Mart ($12) started leaking & the sole tearing the first Winter I had them…this will be their 3rd Winter and it just ain’t happenin’! I wish I could find a pair of nice shoes cheap, to wear to said party, my Reeboks are either 5 or 6 years old, can’t remember. And they were a cast-off gift PS didn’t want that her dad sent. I could borrow a pair from her, but they’re all dainty heels & such and I’d probably slip on ice re-break my arm, screw my back up worse and snap my neck. But not die, just be paralyzed in some fucked up position like my neighbor who took acid & drove his Harley off a cliff…DEEERRRRR!

And maybe batteries for PS’s camera. She won’t let me borrow it unless I have my own batteries. I’m totally clueless what to wear. I don’t really have anything ‘nice’ and I’m big on ‘comfort’ (read; FAT ASS!) so if I can find a nice top on clearance (the day after Xmas…hmmmm…) I think I’ve already exceeded my limit tho and I don’t even have it yet. At least since I had my haircut ($6 at the beauty college!) I only need one box of hair dye instead of 2.

I think I’ve worn myself out for the night. Time to go play Bejeweled.