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My Fate is My Own

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I recently got into a discussion with someone on a forum about suicide and why I think it really is a Personal Choice and an individual’s right and not a ‘selfish, cowardly act’ as many people want to insist.
Now, I’m not arguing this point here, just expressing my own thoughts by re-posting most of what I had written on the forum our conversation here;

My kids, Grandkids & eventually Great-Grandkids (I call them collectively, ‘My Babies’) are the reason I think about NOT staying around. That’s a long explanation. Its nothing they do, it’s that I perceive that I am hindering them in some way…I know exactly what I mean; it’s just hard to explain to others…
Like I tell my shrink, I’m ‘here’ (alive/in this world) under protest. I want to go, but I’m too attached to a few earthly things…perhaps one day I will transcend this materialistic addiction. Like the Buddhists try to achieve. Release. Free.

Me thinks some ppl outstay their usefulness here. ‘God’ (or who/whatever higher power, or maybe even just evolution in itself) gave us the ability to off ourselves maybe as our ultimate choice of exercising our ‘freewill’. Maybe when one reaches the top of their personal ladder, they can let go and be done. Their time is finished. Just like ppl say when someone gets hit by a car, maybe it was their time. Who’s to say by whose hand that choice is right or wrong? God? Myself? Some unseen being will not hold more power over me than I do myself. ‘God’ is IN me, not OUT. I am not ‘His’ chess piece.

Here under protest. That is what I am. That is who I am. It will never, ever change. I am not searching for any kind of sympathy or pity of fawning or attention. I just write what I feel. I am who I am, I express what I feel I need to express. Please don’t take my words as any kind of attention seeking phrasing. I’m just long over pretending and saying what everyone wants to hear…in certain situations, lol. We all have to say & act a facade at times. I choose to let this Blog be the one place I can be myself and express myself if for no other reason than that.

My Fate is My Own.
But being here under protest means just that. I don’t have to like it, I don’t have to accept it, enjoy it, find reason or rhyme, it just is. I’m here and I’m obviously not going anywhere if I am willing to declare that, fine, I’m here, but under protest.

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